i was detected pregnant last month but yesterday the happiness is no longer here.miscarried.it was painful.bukan proses keguguran yang telalu pedih but the fact that i'm no longer carrying my little bean is painful.terlalu pedih.pahit.terlalu pahit.terlalu kecewa.banyak kali saya terbangun waktu malam dan mengharapkan apa yang berlaku adalah mimpi.but it's not.it's real.the pain is real.sampai sekarang semua bagaikan mimpi.
saturday, 10/12/11 - 7pm.i started to get the pain on stomach.bleeding a bit.went to see Dr.Khartik (Pakar Sakit Puan @ Taman Perdana.very nice gynea) he did a scan and discover that the baby was not in a good condition.scan images shows a few cracks on the baby sack.that was when the painfulness started.explaination done.heart broken.i decided to let it go not because i didnt love him/her.it's because i love him/her too much.but hubby loves it even more he refuse to let him/her go.he wanted me to hold on.he needed a second opinion.and so we went back home and cried the whole night.
sunday, 11/12/11 - went to Klinik Nur and met Dr.Fadzilah for a second opinion.Dr.Fadzilah advised on the same thing.she said baby is too small for his/her age which was 7 weeks.no heart beat.my heart shattered.all over the places.but i gotta stand tough.expained to my parents & hubby's that we wanted to let him/her go.got major bleeding and went straight away to Putra Specialist Hospital.Dr Chew.a very nice gynea.explained everything thouroughly and we realized there's no other chance to keep it.let it go.i was injected with i-dont-know-what liquid.i think it's a bius.and slept the whole 3 hours.DnC done.while waiting for me to gain consciousness hubby buried our baby at mak's lawn.i woke up at 6pm.settle with the bill and went back straight home.it's weird. i dont feel any pain in the stomach.segalanya hilang.dalam sekelip mata.yang tinggal hanya pedih di hati.
sampai sekarang semuanya bagai mimpi.pedih setiap kali terlihat susu anmum kat dapur.dugaan ni adalah yang paling perit sepanjang tahun ni.but i choose to stay on the positive side.no matter how painful it is.i choose to smile.inshaAllah akan ada hikmah disebaliknya.
Hadapi Dengan Senyuman - Dewa